I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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