Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
