you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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