i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
