i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just high enough for therapy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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