Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
