The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
