is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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