i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
