and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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