You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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