yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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