That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
