you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
