i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
