Princesses don't give blow jobs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
