Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
