I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
