P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
