Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
