Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
