i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
