he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
