You just made me feel so damn special
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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