Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
