i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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