OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
