watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
