I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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