is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
