watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
