I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
