Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
