just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize