these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
