Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Houston, we have a blender
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
