I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
