Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
