I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
