They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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