I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
