Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
