she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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