The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
