I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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