Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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