Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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