Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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