The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
