he wants to bone in the snuggie
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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