Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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