im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize