Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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