i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
