I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
