She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
