i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
