when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
