so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
