Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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