just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize