how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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