We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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