He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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