Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He passed out mid-signature
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
