Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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