I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
