i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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