my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
