I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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