You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
