my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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