Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
