I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
