twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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