I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
