I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
