She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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