and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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